关于长篇英语笑话大全
关于长篇英语笑话大全
学习啦在线学习网 笑话在文体上即文学样式上属于小说,因为它和小说“血缘”关系最近。笑话具有的娱乐功能是其首要功能。笑话虽小,但它含有极强的语言表达技巧和人类的高超智慧。学习啦小编分享关于长篇英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!
关于长篇英语笑话：Fast Pope
The Pope arrives at JFK and he's met at a baggage claim by a driver in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says, "Pope."
学习啦在线学习网 After getting all the Pope's luggage loaded in the limo-and His Holiness doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
学习啦在线学习网 "Hey, Mr. Pope," says the driver in accented English, "Why have you not seated yourself in the excellent limo?"
学习啦在线学习网 "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive."
"That is very much against the rules!" protested the driver, wishing he'd never left Calcutta.
学习啦在线学习网 "There might be something extra in it for you," said the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105 mph.
学习啦在线学习网 "Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope," pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal. Then they heard the siren.
"Oh, my Gods, now I am surely losing my license," moaned the driver.
The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his motorcycle, and got on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he said to the dispatch.
When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he'd stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
学习啦在线学习网 "So bust him," said the Chief.
"I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop.
学习啦在线学习网 "All the more reason."
"No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop.
"What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"
"Bigger."
学习啦在线学习网 "Governor."
"Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"
学习啦在线学习网 "I don't know," said the cop. "But he's got the Pope driving for him."
关于长篇英语笑话：Microsoft gets church
By Hank Vorjes
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of people."
学习啦在线学习网 Through the MICROSOFT Network, the company's new on-line service, "we will make the sacraments available on-line for the first time" and revive the popular pre-Counter-Reformation practice of selling indulgences, said Gates. "You can get Communion, confess your sins, receive absolution -- even reduce your time in Purgatory -- all without leaving your home."
学习啦在线学习网 A new software application, MICROSOFT Church, will include a macro language which you can program to download heavenly graces automatically while you are away from your computer.
An estimated 17,000 people attended the announcement in St Peter's Square, watching on a 60-foot screen ascomedian Don Novello -- in character as Father Guido Sarducci -- hosted the event, which was broadcast by satellite to 700 sites worldwide.
Pope John Paul II said little during the announcement. When Novello chided Gates, "Now I guess you get to wear one of these pointy hats," the crowd roared, but the pontiff's smile seemed strained.
学习啦在线学习网 The deal grants MICROSOFT exclusive electronic rights to the Bible and the Vatican's prized art collection, which includes works by such masters as Michelangelo and Da Vinci. But critics say MICROSOFT will face stiff challenges if it attempts to limit competitors' access to these key intellectual properties.
学习啦在线学习网 "The Jewish people invented the look and feel of the holy scriptures," said Rabbi David Gottschalk of Philadelphia. "You take the parting of the Red Sea -- we had that thousands of years before the Catholics came on the scene."
But others argue that the Catholic and Jewish faiths both draw on a common Abrahamic heritage. "The Catholic Church has just been more successful in marketing it to a larger audience," notes Notre Dame theologian Father Kenneth Madigan. Over the last 2,000 years, the Catholic Church's market share has increased dramatically, while Judaism, which was the first to offer many of the concepts now touted by Christianity, lags behind.
学习啦在线学习网 Historically, the Church has a reputation as an aggressive competitor, leading crusades to pressure people to upgrade to Catholicism, and entering into exclusive licensing arrangements in various kingdoms whereby all subjects wereinstilled with Catholicism, whether or not they planned to use it. Today Christianity is available from severaldenominations, but the Catholic version is still the most widely used. The Church's mission is to reach "the four corners of the earth," echoing MICROSOFT's vision of "a computer on every desktop and in every home".
学习啦在线学习网 Gates described MICROSOFT's long-term strategy to develop a scalable religious architecture that will support all religions through emulation. A single core religion will be offered with a choice of interfaces according to the religion desired -- "One religion, a couple of different implementations," said Gates.
The MICROSOFT move could spark a wave of mergers and acquisitions, according to Herb Peters, a spokesman for the U.S. Southern Baptist Conference, as other churches scramble to strengthen their position in the increasingly competitive religious market.
关于长篇英语笑话：Rabbi In A Confession
学习啦在线学习网 A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What did you do?". The woman says "I committed adultery." Priest: "How many times?" Woman: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's, put in the box and go and sin no more." A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Priest: "What did you do?" Man: "I committed adultery." Priest:"How many times?" Man: "Three times." Priest: "Say two Hail Mary's put in the box and go and sin no more." The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." Rabbi: "What did you do?" Woman: "I committed adultery." Rabbi: "How many times?" Woman: "Once." Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for ."
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