关于好笑的英语笑话
关于好笑的英语笑话
笑话,是供人们消遣或交际的一种创造性的语言形式,其主要功能是调侃、娱乐或讽刺。它是人们生活中不可或缺的组成部分,与社会密切相关。学习啦小编分享关于好笑的经典英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!
关于好笑的经典英语笑话：The Baptism
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes,Preacher. I sure am."The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked."No, I didn't!" said the drunk.The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?""No, I did not Reverend."The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have you found Jesus yet?"The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher..."Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
关于好笑的经典英语笑话：S.O.B.
Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
学习啦在线学习网 Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
学习啦在线学习网 Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
学习啦在线学习网 Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
学习啦在线学习网 Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
学习啦在线学习网 Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
学习啦在线学习网 Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
学习啦在线学习网 Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
学习啦在线学习网 Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
关于好笑的经典英语笑话：Question and answer
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
学习啦在线学习网 A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
学习啦在线学习网 A: To practice.
学习啦在线学习网 A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
学习啦在线学习网 The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: What?s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
学习啦在线学习网 A: The lawyer charges more.
关于好笑的经典英语笑话：The stupid questions
The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records.
学习啦在线学习网 Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: What happened then?
学习啦在线学习网 A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Q: Did he kill you?
学习啦在线学习网 Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?
The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Were there any girls?
学习啦在线学习网 Were you alone or by yourself?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?
学习啦在线学习网 Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
学习啦在线学习网 A: I'll be three months on March 12th.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?
Do you have any children or anything of that kind?
Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
学习啦在线学习网 A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
学习啦在线学习网 So, you were gone until you returned?
You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?
学习啦在线学习网 Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
学习啦在线学习网 A: Not yet.
A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."
Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?
学习啦在线学习网 A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P.M.
学习啦在线学习网 Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!
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