双语阅读：会导致婚姻危机的9件日常小事

双语阅读：会导致婚姻危机的9件日常小事

　　摘要：每个人都知道婚姻需要营造。这是事实。但大家都有一个误区，以为只有大事才会破坏婚姻：不忠，沉迷，等等。很多时候，是琐碎的小事削弱着你们本是牢固的关系，这些小事在你们似懂非懂的地方腐蚀掉你们的爱情，——直到很多年后，矛盾最终爆发。下面是几个你需要提防的地方：

　　Everyone knows that marriage takes work. That'sobvious. But a huge misconception is that onlyBIG things will derail your marriage: infidelity,addiction, adultery, etc. Quite often, you don't seethe little things chip, chip, chipping away at youonce-solid relationship foundations when in reality,it's those tiny things that eventually erode yourrelationship from within - without you even realizingit! - until years of petty resentments finally explode.Here's a few tiny earthquakes to watch out for:

　　每个人都知道婚姻需要营造。这是事实。但大家都有一个误区，以为只有大事才会破坏婚姻：不忠，沉迷，等等。很多时候，是琐碎的小事削弱着你们本是牢固的关系，这些小事在你们似懂非懂的地方腐蚀掉你们的爱情，——直到很多年后，矛盾最终爆发。下面是几个你需要提防的地方：

　　1. Not really talking

学习啦在线学习网 　　1. 没有真心讨论

学习啦在线学习网 　　Wake-up call: Passing each other in the hallway and mumbling something about someonetaking out the trash is not talking. If you don't spend quality time talking about your lives -really, truly, deeply talking about your lives, beyond the small talk and trivialties - you aren'tconnecting. And if you're not connecting, you're growing apart. Simple as that.

学习啦在线学习网 　　起床时间：在走廊里擦肩而过，喃喃的说着该有人去倒垃圾了。如果你们不在黄金时间谈论你们的生活——真实地，真正地，深刻地，谈论你们的生活，而不是那些无聊的琐事——你们将不会交心。然后，如果你们不能交心，你们的关系会越来越疏远。就这么简单。

　　2. Farting in front of each other

　　2. 在对方面前放屁

　　You think I'm kidding? When you get the stage where you cut your toenails in front of him, caneasily braid the hair on your legs, would need hedge-trimmers to clip through your public hairand think nothing of breaking wind loudly in front of him, you have long passed the comfortablestage. You've now reached the ‘roommate' stage. Romance only dies when you let it. You needto keep the mystery alive and one way to do that is by closing the bathroom door. Knowingeverything about another person, including their bowel habits, is not healthy. Get somemystery back into your relationship, STAT.

学习啦在线学习网 　　你以为我在逗你?当你在他面前剪脚趾甲，当你给自己大腿间的阴毛整形，你可能还需要一些设备来修剪它们，你也从不在乎在他面前大声放屁，这些都说明你们的生活已经安逸太久了。你们现在进入了"室友模式"。浪漫总是在随性中丧失殆尽。你需要保持一些神秘感，比如关上洗手间的门。过于了解一个人，甚至包括他们排便的习惯，是有害的。还是给你们的关系多点神秘感吧。

　　3. Re-stacking a dishwasher after he's stacked it

学习啦在线学习网 　　3. 在他整理完碗碟后重新整理一遍

　　We know you have good intentions (and that you just want the job to be done right), butwhen you do this, you're undermining your husband. He'll interpret this behavior as youthinking he can't do anything or that everything always has to be your way. Also, if youcontinue to "re-do" all his attempts at housework, I assure you, he'll stop helping altogether.

学习啦在线学习网 　　我知道你的意图是好的(你只是想把工作作的更好)，但是，当你这么做的时候，你正在伤害你的丈夫。他会把你的行为解释为，你认为他什么也做不好，或者，任何事都要按你的方式做。而且，如果你不断的重做他做完的家务活，我敢保证，他再也不会帮助你了。

　　4. Spending more time on the Internet than you do with each other

　　4. 上网的时间比你们在一起的时间还多

　　Who gives a flying f*ck what Henry De whurst is doing since you left high school? Does itmatter that he's sailed around the world and now runs XYZ business in NYC? Nope. Hint: It'snot normal to spend more time looking at wedding photos of a wed ng you weren't invited tothan you do with your family. So if you're spending more of your life talking t o people you usedto know or even worse, have never met, than hanging with your spouse, what pray tell a e youdoing?! Ban iphones and technology from the bedroom (we know, it.s hard) and watch yoursex life (£ nd marriage!) miraculously improve.

　　是谁让你在你高中毕业后做那些Henry Dewhurst正在做的事倩?过去他环游世界 ,现茌却只在纽约敲着XYZ ,真的没问题吗?不，很有问题。暗示：花费大量时间浏览那些你没有参加的婚礼的照片而不是与家人在一起一点都不好。所以，如果你同那些你过去不认识,甚至从未见过的人交谈所花费的时间超过与自己的另一半在一起的时间,你需要做点什么?从床上_iphone和电子产品(我知道，很难),然后看着你的性伙伴(或者另一半 ),都会改善。

学习啦在线学习网 　　5. Canceling date night over and over again

　　5. 一次又一次的取消夜晚约会

学习啦在线学习网 　　Yup, we all have deadlines. We all have draconian bosses breathing down our necks - and yes,there will always be good reason to cancel date night - especially if the sitter lets you downagain. But do so at your peril because postponing one-on-one time is symbolic of where yourmarriage is in your list of priorities. If you'd rather attend a Zumba class than have a glass ofwine with your husband, that's a red flag. Your relationship is sacred; treat it as such.

学习啦在线学习网 　　是的，我们都没有时间。我们都有严厉的老板勒紧我们的脖子——是的，这是取消约会的最好借口——尤其，当模特让你失望的时候。但是，这很危险，因为推迟一对一约会是一个信号：你们的婚姻在生命中所处的优先权。如果你参加尊巴舞训练班比与你的丈夫一起干杯更优先，这就是红色警报，你们的关系已经危险了。想办法拯救吧。

　　6. Paying more attention to your kids than him

　　6. 对孩子的关注比对他的关注多太多

学习啦在线学习网 　　How many moms do you know who shower their kids with affection and give their husbands aquick pat on the back when he swoops in for a kiss? Remembering to stop and give each otheractual physical affection - not just a requisite peck on the cheek - is the sign of a healthyrelationship. When you spend day in/day out with someone, it's easy to neglect them. Themundane goings-on of daily life take precedent and by the time you get the kids to bed andcollapse on the sofa, showing any kind of affection feels like an extra chore. But here's asecret: Do. It. Anyway. Affection, leading or not leading to sex, cannot be overstated.

　　有多少母亲都会认真的给孩子洗澡，同时给想冲过来亲吻的丈夫一个背影?记得停下来和你的另一半亲热——不能只在脸上轻轻一吻——如果做了，标志着你们的关系健康。当你整天和其他人有约，他们很容易被你忽略。如果每天都只有日常的生活，有时候你把孩子送到床上，自己倒在沙发上，此时此刻任何情感都变成了一种额外的家务。但是，我有个秘籍：无论如何，做它。情感嘛，不论最后有没有做爱，都不是多余的。

　　7. Never quite losing the baby weight

学习啦在线学习网 　　7. 产后不减肥

学习啦在线学习网 　　It may be controversial, but letting yourself go physically when you get comfortable withsomeone is a sure-fire way to send you partner looking elsewhere. When they met you, youwere 23 with great abs but three kids and twenty years later, well, things don't quite look thesame. We get it; life happens. But looking after your own appearance means you feel goodabout yourself which in turn, means they feel good about you too. The brutal truth is you needto move your ass off the couch and down to the gym. You cared about your ass before, so whynot now? Becoming lazy after you've hooked your catch isn't a sexy look for anyone.

　　这是有争议的，但是，当你大腹便便的与其他人谈笑风生时会让你的丈夫十分窘迫。当他们认识你时，你只有23岁，身材苗条，但是，当你有了3个孩子且过了20年后，嗯，一切都不一样了。是的，生活开始了。但是，注意自己的外表意味着你感觉改变一下更美，意味着他们也这么认为。残酷的事实是，你需要离开睡椅到健身椅上去，你以前担心自己的屁股太大，那么，现在为什么不担心呢?生孩子后越来越懒的女人一点都不性感。

学习啦在线学习网 　　8. Never saying "hanks"

　　8. 从不说“谢谢”

　　My husband often feels like he deserves a medal every time he puts a loa d of wash in. (Nevermind that I separated the wash, put it in the dryer, and spent hours folding it.) I want to stabhim in the eyes when he expects validation for a relatively simple task but I give it to himanyway. Why? Because at least he did it. And when he feels empowered, BONUS: he might justdo someth else, like grocery shopping or cleaning the fridge. By thanking him. I'm saying: "I seeyou, I acknowledg e you." Likewise, he should be thanking you, too. Otherwise there's atendency to start playing the &lsqu o;who did more' game, which quickly leads toresentment. The more grateful you are, the more likely he'll do more. Trust me.

学习啦在线学习网 　　我丈夫经常在洗了很多衣服后认为自己应该被颁发勋章。(且毫不介意我之后把衣服分类，放进甩干机，然后花数小时叠好它们。)在他做了简单的工作却想得到表扬时我真想瞪他，但我还是感谢了他。为什么?因为至少他做了。并且当他感觉被感谢后，意外之喜：他可能会继续做其他的事,比如,去杂货店买油盐酱醋,或者淸理冰箱。感谢他时，我说：“我看到了 ,我认可你。”同祥，他也应该感谢你。否则,你们将会纠结于“谁干的更多”，最终导致矛盾。你感激他越多，他做的越多。相信我。

　　9. Spending too much time with your side of the family

学习啦在线学习网 　　9. 花太多的时间关心娘家了

　　Yes, we all know the guilt-trip moms are capable of if you aren't home to celebrateThanksgiving but just for once, ask your other half what they would like to do for the holidays.By pleasing your parents more than your spouse, you're slowly poisoning your relationshipand we hate to break it to you, hubby's probably had enough of your Dad talking about his golfswing and your Mom droning on about her recent knee surgery. Here's an idea: Instead ofgoing to Gram and Gramps, ask them to come stay and spend time with the kids while you twoget away, together!

　　是的，我们都知道如果你没地方过感恩节，父母们以带你们一起过，但是，即使只一次，问下你的另一半，他想怎么过。对自己的父母过于关心，超过自己的另一半，你会慢慢伤害你们的感情，同时我不得不打断你，你的丈夫可能已经与你的老爸聊了太多的高尔夫了，也听了太多你老妈对自己膝关节手术的牢骚了。 给你一个建议：换一种方式，让你的父母与你的孩子们呆在一起，此刻，你们去独享幸福的二人旅行!